


Gilded Words

by Boku_no_Botanist



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Established Relationship, Fuck Chapter 84: Midnight Sun we don't know her, I mean it ch84 is does not play out the same, M/M, Unconventional Marriage Proposals, and everything after ch84 doesn't exist, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 12:53:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29917200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boku_no_Botanist/pseuds/Boku_no_Botanist
Summary: When Erwin wakes up, Armin is there.A world where Erwin and Armin both survive the Battle of Shiganshina, and where what lies beyond the Walls is a bit different.
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Erwin Smith
Comments: 10
Kudos: 17





	Gilded Words

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has been living rent free in my head for over 4+ years, and now that my writing skills are no longer at the level of... whatever they were back in 2014-2015, I can bring this little guy to life.
> 
> This is kinda my love letter to WinMin...
> 
> Please enjoy!
> 
> \- Boki 🌸

When Erwin wakes up, Armin is there.

His head feels heavy and that whatever remains left of his brain is reduced to sludge - though he knows that isn’t true on account of him being able to still think - and whatever remains left of his body is made of lead. All he can manage to do is look with half-open, bleary eyes around the room -  _ his room _ \- and he spots the small cadet sleeping in the chair propped in the corner of it.

Erwin gets the feeling that this has happened before.

If he and Armin didn’t have that row the night before embarking to Shiganshina, then he wouldn’t have been surprised at the idea of Armin waiting by his bedside for him to wake up.

But they did. They did fight that night. In a way.

They don’t fight like people would expect from them though - not like people could expect anything from them, no one knew he and Armin were even together.  _ Were.  _ Does he dare hope that they still  _ are _ ? Even though he’s the reason they fought. No, he knows they still  _ are _ . Can’t explain how he knows, but he  _ knows _ . Still, he and Armin don’t fight like it would be expected of them.

Others likely expect them to have a battle of snappy words, dissertations about why the other is in the wrong laced with snark and pettiness, well-thought-out and articulate critiques against each other loaded with the undercurrent of passive aggression.

Though that’s giving others too much credit in correctly assuming that he and Armin were equals in their relationship. Erwin was his superior after all, nearly two decades in the game and with the wit to keep playing it. Arguments would always go in his favor. Armin was just a waifish, fledgling soldier only four months out of the Cadet Corps with hardly any actual worldly experience notwithstanding being the bare minimum age for adulthood.

Moreover,  _ he’s _ Commander Smith. Manipulator, conniver, schemer (gambler). Always able to twist things and gaslight to get what he wants (when he isn’t leaving it up to chance). To win. It would never be a fair fight between him and his  _ subordinate _ . That would be what people would think.

No, he and Armin were always equal in their exchange, it was just natural to them. But still, they don’t fight how people would expect them to. There is no sharp-tongued and calculating warfare. They fight with no words exchanged at all. Only silence.

Forcing each other to be beside themselves with only their own thoughts to fill their heads. Forced to ponder and filter through every word and action to figure out why the other party was not speaking to them. Fact of the matter was that Erwin and Armin thrived when talking to each other. That said, fighting with silence only made sense.

A dull throb laces through his head as he asks himself what the hell they even fought about that night. And another throb when he remembers. It hurts when it all comes rushing back.

_ They had been in Erwin’s bed - because when Armin wasn’t actively out helping take down a corrupt government or whatever other mess the Survey Corps found themselves in, he would spend his evening hours with Erwin in his quarters. They had been just talking, like they always did, but Armin had been talking about plans for after the operation. Plans for the  _ future _. But not the same future that Erwin always thought about. Erwin looked towards what he could immediately see, a “something he could nearly reach out and touch” future. Armin was talking about the kind of future that Erwin learned to stop imagining decades ago. _

_ It had all been hanging off the hypothetical that things would go well the next day. That they take back Wall Maria and find the missing link between them and titan eradication. Armin had talked about his dream to find the sea, how he’d like to find it and see if the water was really as salty as it was written to be. He had talked about how he’d want to go off and explore more beyond, see as much of what the outside world had to offer - completely normal, familiar. He’s listened to Armin talk about the sea like this before. And then he had talked about how he also wouldn’t mind stopping at the sea and settling there. _

_ That _ had been a hint and Erwin wasn’t paying enough attention back then to notice. Or maybe he had noticed and that was where the dread had started to set in.

_ He remembered the feel of Armin’s head tilting up against his chest, looking up at him through his bangs and asking him what  _ his _ plans were after the operation - all other hypotheticals applied - and Erwin had found himself without words for an answer. The silence had lasted too long for Armin, and he’d lifted his head to look at him to ask what was wrong.  _

_ Erwin wanted to know when in the brief four months they were together, knew each other, that Armin began to read right through him. Was it after they rescued Eren from the other shifters? Was it after the disaster in Stohess? Was it the day they, as Erwin and Armin - not commander and cadet - met? Whenever it was, it didn’t matter. What had mattered was Armin had looked at him for barely a minute and guessed everything that he needed to know.  _

_ Armin knew Erwin was going on the operation. Expected nothing less, he knew of Erwin’s ambitions, of his dream. He also expected that Erwin was fully prepared to not survive the operation, despite his ambition - occupational hazard. But what Armin had seen when he looked at him at that moment was that Erwin had no real plan beyond his ambition. _

_ He didn't have a plan for the  _ future _. _

_ And with it was the ugly, glaring fact that Erwin and Armin had, in that moment, very different ideas about the future of their relationship. _

_ Erwin had tried to salvage the evening that he knew was crumbling down with every subtle twitch in Armin’s face. The invisible gears and cogs in his mind twisting and whirling as he pieced together pieces of a puzzle that Erwin had no idea Armin had access, too. He had called his name, calmly, but was rejected with the lift of a finger and lips being pressed in a thin line. He had then tried to reach out to Armin, to ease him back into a conversation - he didn’t want their last night before the operation to end like it was shaping up to be - but he had rejected his touch, too, jerking away as if scalded. _

_ And while he had understood then that he was the reason for Armin’s rejection - for not being truthful, honest - he couldn’t help but feel as if a bucket of ice water had been thrown in his face. _

_ Armin had gotten up from Erwin’s bed, ignoring when he’d called out to him a couple more times. Every step toward the door, Armin had shot Erwin with a silent rejection. Erwin didn’t get to talk and smooth things over. Erwin didn’t get to placate him with pretty words about the  _ logic of it all _. Erwin didn’t get to fix it. _

_ Before Armin had left his quarters, he had turned back to look at him, looking at Erwin as if he was looking at something that had  _ burned _ him, before quietly storming off, returning to the barracks where the rest of his squad was sleeping. _

_ So that night before the operation, between pondering the feasibility and value of his dream and thinking of all the various hypotheticals that the following day could bring and the contingencies to counter them, he found himself losing sleep from what he saw when he read the look on Armin’s face. What he had silently screamed at him before leaving. _

How dare you.

_ Then the operation commenced and every instance he and Armin had together  _ had  _ to be strictly professional - which was routine for them, normal of them - because people’s lives had depended on a semblance of professionalism. _

_ But it was  _ hard _. It was hard because on top of all the other thoughts and problems Erwin was juggling in his mind he had guilt for burning Armin the way he did. Inadvertent,  _ unintentional _ , as it had been. _

_ He considers the idea that maybe he lost a bit of his mind that day of the operation. Between the failed defense against the Beast Titan, Levi telling him to give up on his dreams and make his own death mean something, and carrying on through the debris that was hurled his and his soldiers’ way -  _

_ Then he had been in and out, blood, rubble, arguing, fighting, all while Armin was a few buildings away from him  _ dying _. Armin was over there  _ dying _ and his soldiers were too busy arguing and fighting over who should get the damn serum when Armin was lying down there -  _ dying _. And then he’d gone out again. _

_ And he saw his dad again. Cause he was back in that stupid classroom-- _

_ He tried to ask his dad that stupid question again-- _

_ But he wanted to answer Armin’s question-- _

_ He knows what his answer should’ve been. Would’ve been-- _

_ He wanted to tell Armin his answer-- _

_ Armin-- _

_ Arm _ in--

Armin--

Armin was alive.

Erwin feels like a weight lifts off of him just a bit - and he realizes that it’s because he’s become flooded with relief. A clarity that takes the heaviness away from him. He’s able to open his eyes more, and he wants to turn his head, so he does. Because Armin was sleeping in the chair. Because Armin had survived. And he wants to see Armin again.

He needs to make sure that Armin really had been there, sleeping in that chair.

His breath gets caught in his throat when he sees that Armin is plenty awake, standing up from the chair and staring at him from the corner of the room.

They stare at each other for that little bit. Erwin sees that Armin is dressed in the long uniform - it suits him well. And that he looks tired, soft darkened circles under his eyes and a small, tense scowl, as if he hasn’t slept right in days. He has his arms crossed over his chest - add his facial expression and one would assume that Armin was just tired and irate.

Erwin just sees a young man trying to protect himself from getting hurt. And he doesn’t blame him. Whatever relief and weightlessness Erwin felt before was clouded over by the tension that settled between them - unbearably thick. And it’s Erwin’s own damn fault for it. Because for with all the brains and intellect and wit he has, he’s still an idiot where it counts.

Armin breaks the silence first.

"You lived." 

His mouth feels like he swallowed a spoonful of molasses, but he manages to give some response.

"...L, looks like it." His voice is rough. Rougher than it was when he woke up from losing his arm. He wonders how long he’s been out.

Armin pulls his bottom lip between his teeth and looks away, as if he doesn’t know how to carry the conversation. Erwin’s okay with that though. He can ask the questions. Because now that his head is getting clearer, the questions start flooding in. Too many than he could probably articulate at the moment, just woken up after passing out from the operation.

But asking questions would be good. It would be impersonal. That’d probably be for the best right now.

He opens his mouth, ready to ask about what ultimately went down back in Shiganshina--

“ _ No _ .” His mouth closes at the tone in Armin’s voice. Watches carefully as the younger man uncrosses his arms. “You don’t get to talk. Not right now, I’m still mad at you.”

Erwin slowly nods his head. He’ll let Armin take the lead. That’s perfectly fine.

Armin glares at him, and then his gaze softens for a fraction of a second as he lets out a sigh before hardening again. As if he has to firm his resolve.

“Look, you, you just woke up.” He starts, tone softer, gesturing his hand in the direction of where Erwin was lying down in his bed. “I get that you have questions. I’ll answer them. That's, that’s why I’ve been here.”

He brings a hand to scratch at his hairline, muttering, “Just… waiting.”

Armin pauses, as if to think and collect his thoughts. Erwin suspects that he’s trying to figure out the best way to summarize everything that happened. He thinks that he can take a few guesses about what happened. At least in regards to why Armin is standing there before him, alive and with all limbs accounted for.

Armin takes a deep breath as he walks up closer to the edge of Erwin’s bed before slowly exhaling and clicking his tongue, looking back at Erwin, his face impassive.

“We won.”

Erwin can feel the surprise roll through him, and Armin nods in response to it.

“Yeah, I know, I couldn’t believe it either.” The faintest trace of a chuckle escapes Armin’s lips, and Erwin can’t help but feel elated to witness it. “The others, the others ended it back in Shiganshina. Levi was, he was something I’d never seen before - Mikasa, too. Those two are dangerous together, I--” Another sigh. Erwin can see him replaying the information in his eyes. “They killed the Beast Titan - together, they were ruthless, but Reiner and that scout disappeared beyond the Wall. There hasn’t been much done about that, though.”

Erwin slowly nodded his head, letting the information soak in, and he knew that Armin’s pause in the summary was to give him that moment to take it in. New questions filled the gaps, and when he looked back to meet the soldier’s waiting gaze, he gave an approving nod.

_ Carry on _ .

Armin suddenly looks awkward, as if he doesn’t know how to broach what he’s about to say, and Erwin can already guess what it is. 

But he’s letting Armin talk, so he just waits.

Eventually, Armin meets his gaze again. “You and I were both dying from our injuries. Levi gave me the serum. We had Bertolt, so I ate him and took the power of the Colossus Titan.”

And Erwin gives a knowing look at first because  _ yes _ , he guessed as much, but then pauses and looks back at Armin, puzzled, because  _ really? The Colossus? _ . Armin nods, as if he’s able to read his mind, and another faint chuckle falls out from the younger man.

“I’m still not used to it, either.” He says it with the fairest hint of a smile, but he catches himself, shaking his head and carries on. “Anyway, um, we got to the basement, and - hey, congrats, you were right! Humanity is alive beyond the Walls.” Erwin’s eyes widen, a flutter of … triumph (?) rattles inside him while Armin’s nose scrunches up as if he recalled something unpleasant. “Eren’s dad had written everything in these books, and it looked like he tried to make sure they were preserved but the solution didn’t hold. The books were in bad shape. Almost useless.” He shakes his head. “But the little we could make out from it was that there is humanity beyond the walls. Some friendly. Some not.”

They already met the unfriendly ones. The ones who sent people with titan powers to them.

“We’re apparently ‘Subjects of Ymir’ by the way,” Armin moves to sit down on the end of the bed, resting a thigh on the covers so he can keep facing the other man. Erwin raises a brow, eyes still wide. “The Walls are apparently the refuge of the descendants of Eldia - an ancient nation with the power of the titans in the palm of its hand, given to it by the first titan, Ymir Fritz. It’s why the serum exists. It's why  _ we _ turn into titans. From what we could make out in Dr. Jaeger’s texts, there was a really, really bad war. Eldia lost but the other side didn’t win either - it was more like the whole world lost. Humanity was scattered across the globe.”

Erwin steels his gaze at the other as more questions rush through his head. He really wants to talk now, but he knows Armin will fill him in. 

Armin takes a moment to pause, looking at Erwin almost contemplative, and Erwin realizes that he can’t really read Armin in that moment. When did something like that happen?

The younger man sighs, “Your father was right. When humanity escaped to the Walls, the king at the time used the Founder to erase the Eldians’ memories of the outside world. Something about wanting to start… fresh, if I remember it right. The king also used… colossus titans as foundations for the Walls, but we-” Armin groans, digging his fingers through his hair. “The books were in such bad shape, Erwin. The water damage made the ink bleed through... anyway, we think that the king made more “walls” than just ours. Multiple refuges for humanity to escape to, maybe one for each nation that existed before the Fall - we’re not sure - but we know that our walls are specifically for us, the Eldians.”

Erwin managed to lift his hand to pinch the bridge of his nose, slowly blinking as he tried to take everything in. Is… is that everything? Could he really handle anything more right now?

Armin decides that he can. “From what else we could get, Dr. Jaeger came from a walled section that was composed of Eldians and not, but the Eldians were treated badly - probably justified because of the war - and when they weren’t being treated badly, they were being used to go attack us, take the Founder back to maintain their own power - or something.” He moves to lie down on the end of the bed, getting comfortable. Like he usually did. Armin looked up at the ceiling while he continued. “Get this: Dr. Jaeger had been a part of an Eldian revolutionist group, but they got caught and were turned into pure titans as punishment. But then there was an Eldian insurgent who secretly had the Attack Titan and gave it to Dr. Jaeger after he was turned. He came here to take the Founder and restore Eldia.”

Erwin furrows his brows, “I don’t think that’s happening.” It slips out before he could help it.

But Armin only laughs instead, “Nope. It isn’t. Though,” he twists around to look at Erwin from where he lied. “He did succeed in taking the Founder from the Reiss family - the true descendents of Ymir Fritz by the way - before giving both the Attack Titan and the Founder to Eren five years ago, so all that was missing was the Eldian coup back in his homeland.”

“The other shifters were here to take the Founder for their own civilization.” Erwin says, looking at Armin for affirmation. He gets a nod. Wonderful. Whatever energy he had thought had earlier was draining. “Anything else you learned from those ‘almost useless’ and ‘damaged’ books?”

Armin clicks his tongue, “See, this was why I didn’t want you to talk. You’re snarky when you just wake up, and I'm  _ still mad at you _ .” He squints his eyes mockingly in response to the tired glare sent his way. “And don’t act like you just sat through a sermon, what I said was barely a fraction of the information in each one of those books - information that we may never really know because of how much damage the books had.”

Erwin lifts a single unkempt brow.

Armin rolls his eyes, “And, yes, that’s all the information we were really able to gather from the remnants of Dr. Jaeger’s books - even after Eren searched through his dad’s memories-- wait,” Erwin flickers his gaze back to the younger man, watches his face light up with recollection. “No, it isn’t. Turns out that the Beast Titan was Eren’s half-brother. Dr. Jaeger’s son from his first marriage.”

“... How?”

Armin only shrugged. “We learned about Dr. Jaeger’s life before he came to the Walls through one of his books. He had a son named Zeke. Eren looked through his dad’s memories, and everything clicked, I guess.”

He’s nearly at a loss for words, “... I, just, the  _ chances _ of that…”

Armin's mouth opens before closing to a thin line as he waves one of his arms out in an open gesture, clearly unable to add anything more.

He shakes away the tiredness with a sigh and looks back at the other blond, “What happened after you learned all that?”

“Too much happened.” Armin rests a cheek on his palm. “We went back to Trost - Eren and Mikasa were in jail for a few days because they literally fought Levi over whether you or I would get the titan serum.”

“That,” Erwin makes a face. “Yeah, that’ll get you jail time.”

“It did, but Zackly released them early so they could attend the meeting to discuss what was uncovered in the basement.” Armin says. “We decided to reveal our information to the public. Berg Newspapers did the distribution and it has received mixed reviews.”

“Expected.”

Armin only nods. “All that was left was wait for you and Moblit to recover.”

“...Well, now I have to ask--”

“--He helped Hange escape Bertolt’s initial transformation in Shiganshina.” he supplies. “His back got pretty burned, not as much as me, but he’s been lying on his stomach for weeks. Hange keeps him company - she lost an eye.”

Erwin lifts his hand to hover over his abdomen, because he’s felt the bandages around his middle since the beginning, looking at Armin for answers, “And me?”

He tries not to let Armin’s sudden laugh make him nervous. “Severely bruised-but-not-broken ilium and you lost your appendix.” He scoffs, as if offended by the sheer amount of luck that Erwin seemed to have. “They actually thought you had died not too long after they gave me the serum, but apparently you just propped yourself up for a few seconds or something and then you remained stable all the way back to Trost.”

“But unconscious.”

“Yes, this is the first time you’ve woken up in weeks - three weeks, specifically.” Armin reaches out to touch Erwin’s leg over the bedsheets. “Which I think is good because it’s given your body time to heal, completely uninterrupted.”

He hums as he closes his eyes, letting the words soak in. As if on cue, the report of his injuries caused all the dormant pain to start swelling up inside. It’s tolerable for now, but if it gets worse, he’ll ask if he’s safe for another dose of morphine. 

He opens his eyes when he hears Armin gasp and watches as he springs up from the bed, eyes wide.

“You just woke up for the first time.” He says it as an echo, not really talking to Erwin. Then he meets his gaze. “I’ve just been talking about things that could’ve waited when I  _ should’ve  _ gotten the nurse--”

“--No.” And Erwin has to cut him off. “If I wanted one I would’ve said something before you gave your, your report. I’m fine.”

Armin scoffs, shaking his head, “It doesn’t matter if you’re fine. It’s, it’s protocol.”

“And I’m telling you to ignore it because I am  _ fine _ .” Erwin repeats.

“You are in pain.” Armin bites out, eyes firm. “You are. You, you started feeling it the minute I told you about your injuries.”

“Wha…” How the hell could read him like that?

“I know when you’re in pain.” Erwin notices the way his hands clench together, knuckles white. “I’ve watched you tolerate it until you collapse because it exhausted you. Like it did after the Wall Rose Invasion.”

He doesn’t want to remember that. He narrows his eyes, “I could order you not to get someone.”

Armin sneers at the idea, “I wouldn’t obey it. You told Hange to take over in your absence. You’re still absent, Erwin.”

Erwin feels a twitch in his face. He had a point. He didn’t like it.

“Ugh, this is stupid.” The laugh that rips out of Armin withers to a groan. “This conversation should’ve waited. I’m leaving - I’m getting the nurse--”

“I said no!” he snaps, regretting it instantly at the strain he felt in his throat. Armin remains unfazed - too used to hearing his voice above 120 decibels to be bothered by a broken shout. Erwin tries again, calmer, steadier. “I’m sorry, for yelling, I just… I don’t...want to see anyone else right now. I’m tired.”

Armin is split between facing him and the door, his lips pinch together, tentative, “... Should  _ I _ go then?”

He’s quick to shake his head, maybe too quick but he doesn’t care at this point. “No, I just want you...”

He feels a swell of anticipation when he sees a light flicker in the younger man’s eyes. He tries not to let it show. “...To stay.”

When Armin turns to look at him, he can see a faint wetness lining the rims of his eyelids.

“That’s not funny.” It comes out weak, a little broken off at the end.

Erwin’s gaze remains locked, “I wasn’t trying to be. I want you to stay. I want you to talk to me.”

“ _ Now _ you want to talk?” Armin looks astonished, and Erwin knows that’s in reference to the evening before the operation. After a moment, he groans. “ _ Fine _ . What do you want to talk about?”

Good. He got Armin to stay. “I want to know what happens next. What you plan to do.”

They hold each other’s gazes, Erwin showing Armin his sincerity and Armin trying to root out any falsehoods. Erwin wants to tell Armin to sit down, but he doesn’t want to push too fast. The comfortability that he’d fallen into earlier had been slightly withdrawn with the reminder of how their last evening together had gone.

He needed to get Armin where he wanted him. So he can tell him his answer.

He’s not going to waste anymore time.

Eventually, Armin sighs, resting a hand on the footboard of the bed. His eyes soften.

“We have the Executioner from Hell working on overdrive right now. The goal is to get rid of all the titans currently within Wall Maria - though that seems obvious.” He brushes a few stray hairs behind his ear, and Erwin can see a brightness slowly rise in his eyes as he continues. “Predictions are that the Walls are titan-free by the first snowfall at the earliest. We think we can have our first expedition outside the Walls by the anniversary of the struggle for Trost.”

The smile that takes over his face leaves Erwin endeared, almost helplessly, because back on the rooftop he didn’t think he’d get to see it again.

Armin moves closer, to sit back down on the bed. “Nothing is set in stone right now, but we think our chances are pretty good for having the first expedition be specified as a sea reconnaissance and settlement operation.”

He looks almost giddy as he says it, and Erwin couldn’t be happier about that. “I’m guessing that you’re definitely going to be a part of that expedition.”

A chuckle bubbles through Armin’s smile, “Look at you. Being smart. But yes, I definitely am going on the expedition.” He settles back to lying on the bed, this time moving closer to the headboard, so he’s almost side by side with Erwin. “The Survey Corps will be in direct communication with Historia as we draw closer to our estimation dates. We believe the majority of the titans surrounding the Walls already entered through Shiganshina over the past five years, so when we go on our expedition, we won’t expect much titan activity until we get really far away.”

Erwin can’t help but give a small smile, “Sounds like you all have been planning things well these past few weeks.”

Armin hums, “We’re managing. If the first expedition does get to be a settlement operation, we’ll have to try and get essential labor civilians to come with us. It’ll have to be done on a volunteer basis, but I think that our PR will be good enough to have a positive turnout when the time comes.”

He nods, “I think you might be right.”

Armin looks at him, brows furrowed like he’s considering something, before smiling again. It was small, and his eyes reflected something akin to nostalgia, as if he had remembered something from long ago.

He looks down at the bed sheets, picking at a stray thread that had come loose from the stitching, while he continues, “Ever since I heard about it, my dream was to always go out and find the sea. It was all I had ever wanted. Now it really seems like it could happen.”

“That’s wonderful.” Erwin says it because it is. It’s always wonderful to have your life’s dream come true.

“I know.” Armin breathes out, and Erwin could hear a thickness in his voice, as if it was hard to speak, and at one he knew the younger man was getting emotional. “I wanted to find the sea. That was always what I wanted, but I think my dream’s evolved. I don’t just want to find the sea. I want to  _ live _ there. I want to spend the rest of my life there,  _ build my life there _ , seeing what it has to offer, exploring it.”

Erwin can see where this is going. He’s glad because this was what he wanted. This was all he thought about in that weird in between after he’d fallen unconscious that last time.

“I know we’re going to be making a settlement at the sea. I know it’s more rational to think the opposite, but I can just feel it.” Armin says, smoothing out the bed sheets he had rumpled. “And when we do, I’ll be there. And I’ll stay there, for as long as I want. Only way I’d come back is if Historia ordered me to.”

“Not even if Hange ordered you to. I thought you answered to her now?” Because the man couldn’t help himself.

“No, Hange’s going to be with me.” Armin laughs, shoulders shaking. “Historia will have to order us both back to make us come.”

“To think,” Erwin teases, “that the Survey Corps loses their new commander and the Colossus Titan to a field of sand and an infinite body of salty water.”

A mirthful hum. “Absolutely tragic.”

There’s a moment of quiet between them. Peaceful, buzzing with a calm feeling that Erwin has missed in recent days (weeks, technically). But it wasn’t meant to last. 

There was still one last question to be asked. 

One last answer to be given.

“With that said,” Erwin looks to see Armin looking at him, eyes still a little red, and waits for Armin to ask, once again, “what do you plan to do now?”

Erwin was a fool to not have the answer that night. But he has it now.

He moves to prop himself up, not much, he knows his abdominal wounds still require little disturbance, but just enough so he can be more level with Armin’s gaze. It’s a struggle with only one limb, but he manages enough on his own before Armin helps fix his pillow to get him into a better position. He knows he’s very lucky - to have the person he angered,  _ burned _ , still be kind to help him.

It’s one of those things that reminds him that Armin’s too good for him.

But he’s always been a selfish man. He wants to keep him for himself anyway.

“I was happy to see you light up here and there.” He brings his hand tuck a few runaway strands behind Armin’s ear, keeping his hand for a little longer than needed, lingering because he felt that he hadn’t touched the other in so long. Armin doesn’t pull away, and his heart swells. “But I know you’re still mad, so please forgive me if this turns into a speech.”

He’s endeared again by the chuckle that bubbles out the younger man, “I’ve come to expect it with you. But to your credit, I gave you a summary report, and then a spiel about my future plans.” He brings up a hand to rest over Erwin’s. It was soft. Warm. “I think I can handle an impromptu speech. It’s only fair.”

Erwin wants to keep him. So much that it hurts. It hurts how much of an idiot he’s been with this boy. How he didn’t dare to have an answer for what he had asked back in his quarters on that night before the operation. He’s an idiot.

But he finally has one now.

“I didn't give you an answer. Back on the evening before the operation.” He starts, making sure that Armin knows he’s looking right at him. “And I'm sorry about that. Truly, I am... but I…” he pauses, words getting caught in his throat because he knows that it is going to be a speech. Likely going to be one of the worst speeches he’s ever given. “Pathetic as it is to admit, my priorities became very clear when I was wounded on that rooftop. Priorities that, if I had gotten straight before the operation, might have led to me making different choices.”

Armin tilts his head slightly towards where Erwin’s hand still rested against his cheek, and Erwin feels his resolve steel.

He carries on. “I always knew the sacrifices I would have to make to go after my goals. I left behind friends… a potential life, an entirely different  _ future, _ and, instead, I chose a life where I could never be certain if I actually would live to see the next day. Whether it be by the circumstances of my job or by the enemies I made along the way as I pursued my ambitions.” He wonders why he’s bringing any of this up, but gives up because it’s Armin and he would’ve told him this one day or another, might as well be now. “I chose not to get invested in others and kept people at a distance. The companions I made along the way in the Survey Corps was by pure happenstance. Mike, Nanaba, Hange… and eventually Levi, but in truth it was always a halfway relationship. With all of them - I never gave back to them what they gave me. I've never given anyone enough of me. Enough of me that if I died there'd be someone worth mourning.”

And Armin’s eyes widen just slightly because of course he knows that’s coded with a message. An implication that Erwin had wanted to give enough of himself to him.

The corner of Erwin’s lip ticks up in a crooked smile. “I never wanted to drag the people I came to care for on false assumptions. Never. I… I didn't think I would come to know you… to care for you like I have. I never meant to make you think I had led you on, Armin.” He strokes a finger down the younger man’s cheek, feels its heat, watches as its color slowly blooms while Armin’s eyes fight to stay dry. “I made gambles out of everything when I found I had the means to do so, even making gambles with people's lives if I felt that I had to. My own included. I’ve cheated death once, twice, and now this makes a third. I was always too focused on making sure I had contingencies and alternatives in the event of tomorrow, and tomorrow where I achieved my dream, that I never took the time to actually think  _ past  _ tomorrow.”

His hand slides down, resting his palm under Armin’s jaw, thumb grazing his cheek. “When I had that last grip of consciousness, I realized on the rooftop that your dream was so much more tangible than my own. I wanted Levi to choose you. I wanted him to choose you so you could still chase your dream.” Damn. He wasn’t expecting the glassy look in other blond’s eyes to trigger a redness in his own. “But I still, I realized what I wanted to do if I lived. What I wanted to do after finding the truth.”

He pauses for just a bit, staring at Armin for just a little bit longer, taking in his flushed cheeks and tearful eyes and slightly parted lips. He can’t help but feel his eyes soften as he sees the curiosity and anticipation rise in Armin’s eyes.

He uses his other shoulder to push against the pillow, keeping his grip firm against the other’s neck, to lean forward, cutting off a hushed gasp as he steals Armin’s lips with his own.

One of Armin’s hands grips onto his arm, as if he needed to stable himself or to hold on. It was cute. His grip doesn’t loosen even when Erwin pulls away to rest his forehead against his own. All Erwin can hear in between the pounding of his own heart and the quiet of the room is soft, shaky exhales that left his lips. Erwin wants to kiss him again.

He loves this boy too much.

"I told myself that if I made it out of this alive--" Erwin sighs as he pulls his head away, leaning back to meet Armin's gaze, confronting him with his honesty, his resolve and - what he hopes for the most - his complete and total adoration. "--I'd follow you wherever you go."

And whatever was keeping the tears trapped in Armin’s eyes had broken. Shiny little pools that rolled down his red cheeks, staining them with thin rivers of where his tears had flowed.

He only smiles when Armin ducks his head and learns forward, happily pulling him closer to his side, letting him wrap his arms around his chest - mindful to keep him away from his injuries. He uses his hand to gently tilt Armin’s chin up, leaning down just to kiss at his wet cheeks, whispering a gentle “Don’t cry. It’s okay.” Using his fingers to wipe away some of his tears. “I’ll follow you wherever you go.” 

Armin gives him a sweet smile, and a wet laugh bubbles up from behind his smile before he buries his face in Erwin’s neck.

“Now you tell me?”

**Author's Note:**

> They're basically engaged now. Thanks for reading!💚
> 
> I would appreciate y'all's comments! 💚
> 
> WIPdates on my profile!
> 
> \- Boki 🌸


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